Forget the dog; beware of the wife

Farm Forum

Winter has hung on just a little too long for me. I need some inspiration to liven things up a bit and I thought you readers might enjoy a little fun also. So, I’m creating a new dance sensation. It’s called the Barn Yard Shuffle.

You may have already heard about this unique dance exercise. I do believe that I might have mentioned it in one of my previous columns, but now I just have to make it into a real live dance with specific moves, dips, and wiggles. Read on for the upcoming craze found only in the Heartland.

The Old Hokey-Pokey rhythm

The Barn Yard Shuffle has some similarities to the old Hokey Pokey dance. If you recall in the HP, you put your right foot in; you put your right foot out; you put right foot in and you shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around; that’s what it’s all about.

In the BYS dance, you have to first step on a sturdy rug or old bath towel before starting your routine. Then, with both feet planted firmly on the rug, you push your right foot forward and then you push your left foot forward and repeat this motion until you are completely into the kitchen area or wherever you are heading.

Next step, stop for a moment and look around. Then remember what you came after, grab it and contemplate the next dance step. You can either throw yourself into reverse by shuffling backwards on the rug. Or-and this is the part I really like-you can turn around by shuffling your feet around in a semi-circular fashion. I do have to admit that this turn around procedure requires practice, but it gives my BYS dance routine a certain flare.

Now, remember that never and I mean never upon fear of death, never ever lift either foot off the rug. And for goodness sake, never, never, ever shake your foot and why not? Because in the BYS dance, your foot is completely encased in a cowboy boot or work shoe with a heavy rubber over boot over it. The whole shebang is also totally encrusted with snow, ice, cow do-do, straw, and any other matter that might reside in the great outdoors. If you shake that foot-oh, my-bad things might happen because…

(Continued from Previous Page)

If you accidentally shake that dirty foot in the process of coming into the house, I’m sorry to say that you have to clean up the mess. No, actually, I’m not sorry because that’s the law around here.

Now quit laughing gals, because it is the law. If you make a mess; you clean it up has become the law around here-thanks to my hubby. Read on to find out how I accomplished this momentous feat.

Beware of the wife

Last year as a joke, hubby bought me a one-of-a-kind sign at a western store. Oh, how he laughed and joked about it. He thought it fit me to a “T” because he is always giving me a bad time about being such a fussy housekeeper.

Well, I thought the sign was just too good not to share with others. So, I got out my trusty hammer and a good nail and firmly tacked the sign up on the wall by our back door.

Now, with this dictum in plain sight, anyone who enters our home is immediately confronted with its important message. The command of this message is so clear and powerful that guests instantly take off their dirty boots, shoes, or outerwear in fear of their lives. They look around to make sure that they’re following my rules. And the best part is… I don’t have to say a word. Maybe I look at them, but nary a word passes my lips.

The sign states: Forget the dog… BEWARE of the wife!

Back to the point

Pardon me for digressing from the BYS dance routine steps, but the explanation of the sign episode was just too good to pass up.

Anyway, I had to come up with this BYS dance because as all good farm wives know-there are certain emergencies that require entering our homes with our dirty boots still on our feet. Such as:

1. Before cell phones-we had to use the land line to call the vet for help in pulling a calf and one had to tromp into the house posthaste. No time to remove the boots.

2. Or, one has to warm up some colostrum right now to save a baby calf.

3. Or, one needs to get some medicine from the refrigerator and there’s no time to spare.

4. Or, the cell phones are not working and the boss man needs some repairs right now.

5. And the list continues for emergencies on the farm….

Barn Yard Shuffle Lyrics

So as you go about your activities this spring and you find yourself getting a little downhearted with all the yuck and the muck, why not hum or sing the following little refrain to the tune of the Hokey Pokey as you shuffle across the floor.

You push your right foot forward.

You push your left foot forward.

You push your right foot forward.

And you look around the room.

You stop and think a moment

While you grab the which-a-my-call-it,

That’s what it’s all about.

Happy Spring Everyone!

Jane Green and her husband, Jim, live near Clark. Contact Jane for some public speaking, to order one of her books, or to register your comments. E-mail her at: