Some things never change

Farm Forum

So far this year, hubby and I have been basking in the knowledge that we are Survivors in this Amazing Race of life we call Undercover Boss. No one has recognized us due to the bulky winter time outfits we have worn in order to carry out The Bold and the Beautiful — Days of our Lives.

And with these endless wintery blasts, we have also become known as the Crazy Ones while trying to cope with the multitude of different treatments recommended by Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz. Add in the comic trivia musings from The Talk and the gossip from ET, and there is no doubt that this winter has kept us inside nesting in our recliners and watching way too much television.

What are we going to do about it? I don’t know; maybe nothing, but spring is coming soon and so I need to turn off the boob tube and get ready for the season. And the story goes like this….

Getting ready for the season

Even though the calendar today reads that we are already into March and should be thinking about heading out to the fields, I don’t think we’re there yet. But ready for spring planting or not, at the Green Farmstead, I have discovered the need for one essential, very vital, absolutely crucial spring time item.

I don’t know how my folks farmed without it, but they managed. Of course, one must realize that my parents had plenty of binder twine, dad’s ever present red handkerchief, lots of corn cobs, several old used milking machine inflations, and a tin full of udder balm around to do the job in case of an emergency.

Best Fixer upper ever

Today’s progressive farmers, like the Green boys, aren’t so lucky. Whenever one of my fellows needs a quick- fix item to patch something up in a hurry, they run for the house and steal it right out of my junk drawer. What is this precious item? None other than the best fixer-upper product ever invented for country folk—what we affectionately call—DUCT TAPE!

Duct tape to the rescue

I shudder to think about how many rolls of new duct tape I have purchased over the years. It’s a lot; let me assure you. Because the Green Boys come into the house, grab my brand new roll of tape, use about half of it, and naturally, don’t return it. Then, when I need some duct tape, I have to go hunting all over the farm for it. When I finally find it, my new roll of tape has turned all yukky and grimy and I end up throwing it away. So, another trip to town for ma to buy some more tape and oh my, listen to what I did next.

Sure-fire cure for tape stealers

I decided to be real, real kind and buy my guys their own personal rolls of duct tape. I even wrote their names on the tape rolls with permanent black marker and then placed the rolls inside their tractor cabs. I thought by doing this kind gesture that they would have their own private stash of the precious stuff and leave mine alone. Ha!

Guess what happened? My kind gesture didn’t do me one bit of good because they still came and stole mine! Believe it or not, the boys had the audacity to tell me that they couldn’t find theirs. Humpf! However, never let it be said that I didn’t keep on trying.

Another remedy for the situation

Late last fall, I thought I had definitely hit upon the ultimate deterrent for duct tape robbery. I cunningly bought duct tape in every color of the rainbow except for gray. Sorry to say, it didn’t deter them for a minute. The hombres still stole it out of my junk drawer.

I must say, though, that the patch jobs around our place are rather colorful now. Glaring orange, luminous yellow, passionate purple and even bright, bright pink against JD green is a sight to behold! Come and take a look when you have time.

Ultimate solution for the problem

There seems to be only one solution for this tape stealing problem at the Green Farm. As the famous crime solving sleuth would say, “The answer to your problem, Janie girl, is quite Elementary.” Just move the duct tape to a new hiding spot where the rascals can’t find it. Right on, Sherlock!

Jane Green and her husband, Jim, live near Clark. Contact Jane for some public speaking, to order one of her books, or to register your comments. E-mail her at: